Blog Hiatus

What with my son going into hospital next week, him being on holiday for the summer, and me having a couple of project deadlines looming, I've decided to take a break from this blog.  While it's been useful in 'keeping me honest', especially with my food, these other things need to take precedence for now.  So, I'll still post over on Neopagan, but I won't post here for at least a couple of weeks, probably until the start of September.  I will still read and comment on other's blogs, though ;)

Too Hot Monday

I felt: Hot and tired. Up to 34ºC today (93ºF) and seriously humid!

I thought: About all the years I've been exercising. I was one of those weird kids at school who actually liked PE, long distance running, and various individual and group sports. Though not a jock, as such, I never skived gym class. In University, some friends and I set up a netball team for intramural competitions with other clubs. And I started doing aerobics when I was 18, though I didn't get really into it until after Uni. Once I found exercise dvd's that was it, I was a vidiot :)

I slept: 7 1/4 hours in 5 chunks. My son was up from 3.45am :( At least I managed to nap again later, as I'd had less than 5 hours sleep in 3 chunks at that point!

I worked out:  45 minutes of step with Kari Anderson's Go. This is an extremely simple, beginner's workout, but it was too hot to do anything complex. I still ended up with sweat dripping!

It's funny to think, I've been doing Kari Anderson workouts for at least 15 years! They've always been fun, and I still like her style. While not tough like Cathe, she cues well and teaches an interesting mix of exercise styles. I also really like some of her ballet workouts :)

I ate:  Nothing bad. I blame the heat :D

I am grateful for:  Fans.

Sunday Sun

I felt: Quite peaceful :)

I thought: About the experiences that change us. My DH just went on a 5 day survival course. As well as dropping 2 kilos (4 and a half pounds), he came back saying he felt changed. While I'd like to drop the weight, I don't think doing it that quickly would be a good idea. And I think I've had plenty of life-changing experiences without having to go and live in the woods for five days without a shower, a change of clothes, or enough to eat...

I slept: 7 1/2 hours in 4 chunks. Still, I was quite happy with that, especially compared with yesterday.

I worked out:  53 minutes of yoga. I thought I'd try out a new DVD I just got last week, Flow Yoga for Strength and Flexibility. Unfortunately, it just annoyed me :( It was way too slow, for one thing (I felt like I could have done the entire practice in about 15 minutes, and gotten as much out of it). That's probably to do with me, I like a flow that actually flows, rather than just dawdling around. Made me long for a bit of Astanga or Power Yoga. Also, she was one of those instructors who say everything in a crazy singsong voice - bah! And she also did what Eowyn was complaining of the other day - for the only bit where she was face on to the camera, she didn't mirror. So, watching and listening were rather confusing.

What is with that? I've done five yoga teacher trainings in 3 different countries, and in all of them we were taught to mirror the class while we gave instruction! I remember one girl on the first training I did used the trick of having a ring on her thumb, and whichever hand it was on was to be considered her right. I think she started doing it cos she often muddled right and left, but it meant she just swapped which hand the ring was on whenever she taught class :D

I ate:  a strawberry yoghurt with added blueberries and almonds. No chocolate, no biscuits. Not sure it should count as yay me, though, as I ate more at other times of the day - all relatively healthy, but you can get fat even eating just rice and beans if you eat enough of them. May have to change how I assess my food intake...

I am grateful for:  My shower.

Awful Editing

I felt: Tired. This time, it was the sudden cold that got to me - I know, I'm never happy *doh*

I thought: About how life changes. Sometimes in ways we life, other times not. As with many people, I'm not sure I'm very good at coping with change. There's a lot that seems likely to happen soon, and I keep wondering if there's some way I can stop it. Yeah, like I can tell the tides not to turn...

I slept: 6 1/2 hours in 3 chunks - meh.

I worked out:  46 minutes of Step with the original Reebok step workout. I had this back in the day, and quite enjoyed it. I got it again as a freebie when I got a new reebok step. Unfortunately, this version has been edited dreadfully! About 24 minutes in, the sound hitched, and from then on was about 20 seconds behind the visuals. It stayed like that until 4 minutes before the end! I made it through, partly just following what I could see (though it was tough as a large portion of that section was done on the back end of the step, so side on to the TV), and partly as it's very simple choreography. However, I've decided it is not worth the hassle, and have chucked it :(

I ate:  75g ginger biscuits, 60g choc fudge brownie frozen yoghurt.

I am grateful for:  Blankets.

Frantic Friday

I felt: Majorly stressed. More bad news came through, which meant I had to reorganise work schedules for the next two weeks. Ack!

I thought: About what it means to me to age. It makes me feel I could never be thought of as beautiful, which seems ridiculous, as there are other mature women who I think look lovely. So, I guess there's something there about not feeling my age, or not yet accepting myself as an older woman.

All this was triggered by a neighbour who came round just as I was about to work out, who said I looked like a twenty year old. So not true, but I guess I did have my hair up in a ponytail, and form-fitting clothes, neither of which she's used to seeing. Plus she's in her late fifties, so 15 years or so older than me. I think she looks lovely, but definitely in a grey-haired, mature way. Whereas I'm still fighting my grey...

I slept: 7 3/4 hours in 3 chunks - yay!

I worked out:  61 minutes of Step with Christi Taylor's Still Steppin'. I used to love Christi Taylor's workouts, though this one was never a favourite. Still, I was reminded by today why I haven't done any of her workouts in so long. Even though it didn't seem high impact, my feet hurt by the end. She's just so darn bouncy! I used to love that, but I can't handle it any more. Hell, she even bounces in the cool down!

I ate:  60g choc chip cookies, 59g choc fudge brownie frozen yoghurt.

I am grateful for:  My DH being home.

Thrumming Thursday

I felt:  Tired and hot, yadda yadda yadda.

I thought: About how busy this week has been, rushing around far more than normal. Still, I've felt quite productive, using my travel time to good effect :)

I slept: 6 1/4 hours in 3 chunks - better than it sounds as I did get 5 hours straight first off.

I worked out:  48 minutes of weights with Erin O'Brien's Strong Body, Fit Body. I like this, it's kinda choreographed, despite being weights, and does work up a little bit of a cardio feel :)

I ate:  146g choc muffin. Yeah, back to the chocolate. Still, it was a plain muffin with choc chips, rather than a triple choc muffin ;)

I am grateful for:   A smartphone, so I can work on the tube.

"When Will It End?" Wednesday

I felt: Hot and tired. The one feeds into the other :/

I thought: When will this heatwave end?

I slept: 5 3/4 hours in 5 chunks :(  

My son slept a bit better than the last few nights, I think he's finally acclimatising to the heat. However, he was awake from 3.40am, and by the time I could go back to bed it was too hot and I was too stressed, as I also received some worrying news this morning: one of my son's carers may be going on indefinite leave.

I worked out:  58 minutes of step with Kari Anderson's Hot Steps (oh, the irony). I had to modify a couple of high intensity moves - a hitch kick and a quick, jumping lunge - but it was still fun and got me sweating. Though the latter isn't hard at the moment!

I ate:  Approx. 100g kataifi (a Greek dessert that looks like Shredded Wheat stuffed with nuts and syrup) and 10g turkish delight. Yep, you read that right. I think it's the first time since I started this blog that no chocolate in any form appeared in this section ;)

I am grateful for:  Good friends - had a girl's night out, which was lovely :)

It's Too Darn Hot!

I felt: Hot.

I thought: About the joys of public transport. I discovered a bus that goes to exactly where I needed to go today, which I'd never realised before. Been going there for several years, though not all that regularly. Saved me walking in the heat :)

I slept: 6 1/2 hours in 3 chunks.

I worked out:  47 minutes of cardio-pilates - Ellen Barrett's Barefoot Cardio :) Given the heat, I did work up a sweat, but then I think any movement today would have triggered that!

I ate:  85g of choc chip cookies - the second halves of yesterday's ones, only it turns out I'd cut them very unevenly. Good thing, too, as I ate a bigger than normal dinner - salmon and vegetables. Delicious, but filling, yet I couldn't say no to the cookies...

I am grateful for:  Water to pour on my head so I can sleep in this heat.

We're Having a Heatwave

I felt: Hot and tired. When will this heatwave end? Even with all the windows open to catch every last breeze, it was still 24ºC (75ºF) in here this morning!

I thought: About people we stay in contact or lose touch with. What determines that? Sometimes it's a conscious choice, other times it just seems to happen.

I slept: 5 1/2 hours in 7 chunks - yeah, really bad night!

I worked out:  42 minutes stepping with Cathe's Low Impact Challenge

I ate:  125g choc chip biscuits. I was proud of myself for stopping there, as that was half each of two cookies. I almost went back for the second half, but I resisted. I think this blog helps with that - knowing I'll be writing it up...

I am grateful for:  A modicum of will power.

Sunny Sunday

I felt: Tired.

I thought: About my grandma (maternal). I watched an episode of Criminal Minds where they talked about assisted suicide. My grandma was a trained doctor, though while she was married to my grandpa he wanted her to run a shop, which he thought was more of an appropriate profession for a woman :/ After they divorced, she had a couple more kids, practised as a doctor again, and ended her career going around teaching sex education in schools.

When she was hospitalised, she knew her way around the system, and after having said goodbye to all of her family, and having reconciled herself with death, one day she unplugged herself from everything and took an overdose. She didn't want to spend months or years deteriorating in a hospital bed. I was very impressed and proud of her, I feel that way, too.

It's interesting, because the son she had by her first marriage (who stayed with my grandpa) married a model, but the sons she had by her second marriage, where her husband supported her to do what she wanted, both married doctors (one medical, one veterinary). Likewise, my mother is another strong woman, who always told me I could do anything I set my mind to :)

I slept: 5 3/4 hours in 6 chunks :((

I worked out:  50 minutes static bike and 13 minutes stretch and abs.

I ate:  146g chocolate and cranberry brownie - yummy! Kinda wished I'd only eaten half, but that just wasn't happening.

I am grateful for:  The strong role models in my family

Scorching Saturday

I felt: Tired and lacklustre - must be the heat! It was up to 30ºC here today :o Which is 86ºF for you non-metric people :D Might not sound that much, but coupled with over 65% humidity, it was hot, sticky, and made me feel heavy.

I thought: About the joys of yoga.

I slept: 8 hours in 5 chunks :)

I worked out:  45 minutes of yoga, just me, my mat, and Jai Uttal chanting :)

I ate:  40g cupcake after lunch (mine was nowhere near as pretty as this, but the icing was melting and running in the heat). 30g choc biscuits and 74g choc brownie after dinner. Total 144g - meh!

I am grateful for:  The various yoga teachers I have had in my life, who inspired me and helped me develop my own practice.

F-f-f-friday

I felt: Warm and happy: my DH and I went out to the park for lunch, and lay there for a bit in the sunshine. I am also chuffed to have sent off some files that I didn't think I'd have done so soon, so that felt good.

I thought: About how I often sleep quite well after a binge. Not that I think I should binge more, but this is one of the reasons why fasting really didn't suit me. I can't sleep if I'm hungry. I think it's one of the reasons I woke up at 5.20 yesterday. Not that I was "feed me a wooly mammoth" hungry, but just hungry enough that I wanted to get up and do something about it. So, I'll take the good sleep, and try to eat better today (went so-so).

I slept: 7 3/4 hours in two chunks - yay!

I worked out:  58 minutes of Cathe Friedrich's Cardio Kicks. I've had this DVD since it came out in 2000, but haven't done it for at least 9 years, due to chronic shinsplints. It was strange having to modify it to avoid any high impact moves, and there were a couple of intensity drills that didn't work that well. Overall, though, it was fun, I worked up a sweat, and my shoulders hurt afterwards, so I'd do it again :)

I ate:  130g choc chip biscuits + 42g Minstrels (choc drops). Not great, but not dreadful.

I am grateful for:  A neti pot: I'm sure my hay fever would have been much worse this year if it hadn't been for using it daily.

Terrible Thursday

I felt: Tired (I know, shocker, right?), hot and sticky.

I thought: Happy thoughts for most of the day. Had some good news at work, so I've something to look forward to in the fall. However, in the evening I had a rather upsetting conversation: realised someone is expecting something of me that I can't deliver. Although I knew what was going on, I went and binged anyway, then felt sick, though I didn't throw up.  

When things like this happen, even though I'm totally aware of why I feel like overeating, I feel powerless to actually stop. It's not that I'm eating mindlessly, I kept thinking, "I shouldn't be doing this", and counting what I ate, but still eating :(

I slept: 6 3/4 hours in 3 chunks - so-so.

I worked out:  54 minutes of step with Cathe Friedrich's Rhythmic Step - I skipped the rhythmic step challenge section and added a bit of extra stretching, as I was pressed for time.

I ate:  123g chocolate, 131g choc chip cookies.

I am grateful for:  The chance to start afresh tomorrow.

More Celebrity Workouts

I felt: Tired, but productive.

I thought: About going to the corner shop to buy some chocolate, but resisted - yay me :)

I slept: 6 hours in 6 chunks :((

I worked out:  61 minutes of Transform Your Body with

Brooke Burke's Tone and Tighten. I think this was the third time I've done the workout. On the one hand, some of the sets are quite interesting and different. On the other, she is seriously annoying! Keeps rabbiting on about going for the burn, the "golden" reps, and changing your mind and your body. She even says, "If I can do it, your can do it!" Yeah, right, like that's going to convince someone who's never exercised before. Looking at this super-skinny, long-limbed celeb, the first thing I think is not "Oh, she's just like me!"

I ate:  53g choc chip cookies :)

I am grateful for:  The local charity shop, which will probably be getting this DVD.

On Yer Bike

I weighed: 65.1kg - up 0.3kg on last week.

BMI: 23.9

I felt: A lot less stressed about my weight having gone up than I might be. I almost didn't weigh myself as my digestion has been a bit off, so I expected to weigh a bit more. And I'm still down over 1.5kg on my first weight 4 weeks ago. We'll see how it goes...

I thought: About exercise and heat. On the one hand, I can't practice yoga if it's too cold to start. Yet working out in the sweltering, humid heat we're having right now isn't much fun, either, even if it does at least mean I'm not shivering and my muscles warm up easily.

I slept: 7 1/2 hrs in 3 chunks.

I worked out:  45 minutes static bike, 16 minutes stretch/abs.

I ate:  84g choc chip cookies.

I am grateful for:  The coolness of our basement.

Stressful Monday

I felt: Extremely stressed. Several things at work exploded suddenly, and I had to resolve them in the day.

I thought: About priorities and loyalty.

I slept: 7 1/4 hours in 2 chunks :)

I worked out:  43 minutes step with Cathe Friedrich's Low Impact Circuit Cardioblast Timesaver. I had to skip one of the cardio sections, as I didn't have time due to all the crap going down.

I ate:  117g choc chip cookies. Still, given what a bad day I'd had, I was quite pleased with that.

I am grateful for:  Email and phones to communicate quickly.

Weekend Catch-Up

Tree in Chatsworth House's gardens

Friday 5th July

I felt:  Both excited and nervous to be away from home.

I thought:  About my dietary choices - no longer being vegan or even vegetarian.  At one point in my life I couldn’t imagine ever eating meat again, now I can’t imagine excluding it absolutely from my diet.

I slept: 4 3/4 hours in 3 chunks :((

I did something new:  I shared a room with someone other than my DH.  While not totally new, I haven’t done that in a long time.

I worked out:  Cathe Friedrich - 43mins Step - Low impact challenge.  Got up early with my son, and then couldn’t sleep when I had the chance as I was excited about travelling.  So, got up and exercised instead.  My DH wasn’t impressed with my doing step while he was still trying to sleep - whoops!

I ate:  100g choc biscuits

I am grateful for:  Being able to hear a different perspective on life.

Chatsworth House's emblematic snake

Saturday 6th July

I felt:  A little hot and bothered at times, as my DH said: “Scorchio!” :D

I thought:  About what it would have been like to be invited to a party in a stately home back in its Victorian heyday.

I slept:  7 1/2 hours in 2 chunks :)

I did something new:  Visited a stately home :)

I worked out:  58 minutes yoga - I’d taken my travel yoga mat with me, and thought I might be able to workout in the garden where we were staying, as it was nice and warm.  However, the grass was still dewy, so I was glad to find a summer house I could use.

I ate:  100g choc chip cookie

I am grateful for:  Interesting conversations

Bast or Pandoran?

Sunday 7th July

I felt:  A little tired and a lot hot, but also quite peaceful and relaxed.

I thought:  Bad thoughts about the railway companies, as my first train was delayed, so I missed my connection, and barely made it home in time to kiss my son before bed :((

I slept: 6 1/4 in 3 chunks - so-so...

I did something new:  I visited a town that was a British biker haven - we didn’t know that before we went there :o

I worked out:  58 mins yoga - there was someone sleeping in the summerhouse, so I ended up back in our room.  Fortunately, my roommate didn’t seem to mind too much that I was doing yoga poses and ujjayi breathing right next to her bed.

I ate:  150g choc biscuits

I am grateful for:  Being home with my family, who I love dearly.

Thoughtful Thursday

I felt: Quite angry about some of what happened yesterday. Still, talked it over with a friend, which helped me see things from a different perspective.

I thought: About celebrity workouts. I'm not particularly into celebrity culture, but I do have a fair few celebrity workouts. I think it's because they sometimes have the money to produce quite good dvd's. Today's is one I got quite recently, having enjoyed her other two, but I'm not keen. The cueing isn't very good, and the workout felt too short and too easy :(

I slept: 7 and 1/4 hours in 4 chunks. One chunk was 4 hours, though, so I'm not complaining.

I worked out:  39 minutes of weights with Cindy Crawford's A New Dimension, and 26 minutes of Ellen Barrett's Crunch: Fat Burning Pilates.

I ate:  96g choc chip cookie.

I am grateful for:  Good friends.

Wishful Wednesday

I felt: A lot better than yesterday. I can breathe again, and only have a very slight, tickly cough.

I thought: About exercise, motivation, and giving oneself permission. I had a yoga teacher who used to say that all you had to do was roll out your yoga mat every day. You could just sit on it for a minute, or you could do a full series (this was Astanga), or anything in between. The important thing was to be consistent in committing to your mat.  

What I took from that, though, was not just a message about consistency, but also about honouring what is right for you in the moment. So, today, when I put on the Cathe Friedrich DVD, I gave myself permission to do as much or as little as I liked. In theory, I wanted to do more than one of the premixes (about 45 minutes each), but I wasn't sure I was up for the whole thing (70 minutes). And around 17 minutes in I did think about stopping... But I carried on a little, and then really got into it, so I only skipped one blast - 3 minutes. Still, it was important to me that I could skip that, that I could choose not to do it all.

I slept: 6 hours in 4 chunks :(

I worked out:  67 minutes of High Intensity, Low Impact Step from Cathe Friedrich's Low Max.

I ate:  106g choc brownie, 50g choc biscuits. Not great, but given I had a seriously stressful conversation over dinner with a friend, I was quite pleased I didn't have a total blowout :(

I am grateful for:  Equanimity.

Terrific Tuesday?

Courtesy of leoniedawson.com

This morning, I approached my scales with some trepidation.  I felt I should weigh myself, as it's been three weeks since I started this blog, and I've only weighed myself once since.  On the other hand, when I pulled on a clean pair of jeans yesterday, they still felt horribly tight (don't you just hate how clothes tighten up in the wash!)  So, I composed phrases in my head about being at my highest weight since 2004 (which would only be a bit above where I was when I started this blog).

I weighed: 64.8k - 2 kilos down on my start point!  However, I suspect a lot (all) of that is to do with having sweated buckets overnight due to this cold/flu bug I've got...

BMI:  23.8

I felt: Snotty. I hate not being able to breath!

I thought: About something I read from Leonie Dawson. She talked about productivity hacks, and especially "Riding Wild Donkeys". By which she means getting an idea and sticking with it til it's done, even if it's not perfect, and then letting it go. For example, she created her first planner in four marathon create-aholic days. And that's all well and good, but there are a lot of things in life that just don't work that way! For example, weight loss is definitely not a quick fix thing. It's about creating a structure that supports you, and sticking to it. It's not fun and exciting, and it doesn't give you immediate results.  

However, I also thought about how it might be possible to apply some of that Wild Donkey theory anyway. Could I create mini-chunks of task that would be fun and doable in a short time period, and would build up to something. I can see that in my work context, and have been doing something similar the last couple days, giving myself a new impetus and motivation. Not sure how to apply it to weight loss, though, so any thoughts would be much appreciated!

I slept: 7 1/2 hrs in 3 chunks.

I worked out:  46mins static bike while watching Criminal Minds, 15 mins stretch and abs.

I ate:  75g choc chip cookies. Below 100g, yay!

I am grateful for:   Whatever motivation I can find, even if it is illusory.