Inspiring Friends

I felt: I was going to say not too bad, but I don't think that's true. My son has been having coughing fits all day that cause him to have pain-related spasms. So, he's been whiny, unhappy, and incredibly snotty and dribbley. The worst bit, though, is hearing him cry with pain, knowing I've done all I can do. I so wish I could take his pain away! It tears at my heart, and makes me crave some time away from his whimpering.

I thought: I wish I could get some of the determination and consistency my friends seem to be getting. Wouldn't it be nice if we could go out and buy that, or order it on-line! Although I may be exercising regularly, in terms of eating well and positive mental attitude, I'm just not feeling it.

I slept: 6 and 3/4 hours in 4 chunks :/

I worked out:  47 minutes of a workout that fuses cardio, pilates and weights - Ellen Barrett's Crunch Burn & Firm Pilates :)

I ate:  72g choc brownie, 92g biscuits. Actually, despite it being a bit higher than some days, I'm quite proud of this. I was very tempted to eat more, especially as my DH was out, and I was dealing with our son alone.

I am grateful for:  Inspiring friends :)

Friday 28th

Didn't manage to post this on the day, cos I try to avoid using computers in the evening (for the whole sleep hygiene thing).  Which, given I "allow" myself one sweet treat after dinner, means that really I should plan to post every morning about the previous day.  The fact that I haven't just goes to show how I don't even stick to my own principles about sleep :(

I felt: Stressed. Had a Dr's appointment with my son in the morning and we ended up late when the taxi I'd booked didn't show up. The firm told me I'd booked it for Saturday, which given I called on Thursday and said "tomorrow" was ridiculous and pissed me off seeing as the guy kept insisting it was my mistake! Am changing cab companies!

The news from the doctor wasn't great, either. My son is going to need two different surgeries this year :(

Then, I managed to forget I was supposed to collect my son from the school bus, so they traipsed around with him for another hour - spectacular mummy fail!

I thought: About the email I'd written to my ex, and worried that he had been offended by it as he hadn't replied. Then, I got up this morning and he's come back to me saying it was all meant as a joke anyway, why did I take it so seriously! But when he gave me the stuff to read, he said it would explain why he refuses to use email (never mind Facebook or anything else - he prefers his computer to stay off-line). Meh!

I slept: 7 hours in 2 chunks, semi-yay! Still tried to go back for a nap after lunch, but it didn't happen.

I worked out:  52 mins step with Cathe's Low Impact Circuit Cardio Blast. I bumped my step up another 4 cms, and really felt the difference!

I ate:  133g choc muffin.

I am grateful for:  Nice people on the bus who didn't give me too much gip.

What Am I Feeling?

I felt: Stressed and tired again, nothing new there. Still, I wonder if those mask other feelings. A friend asked me today what I'd felt when I overate on Sunday, and I said I didn't know, that it had taken doing a reading to clarify it for me. Sometimes, I know what I feel, but other times my own heart seems like a foreign land to me.

I thought: About the moral dilemma I discussed over on my NP blog. With some prompting from my friend, I realised this is an old pattern in my life. I "lent" money to my eldest brother 4 times before accepting he'd never pay me back a penny. Now, I give him money sometimes, but always give the same to my other brothers, too. Still, it did negatively affect our relationship :(

I slept: 6 hours in 3 chunks - phooey!

I worked out:  54 minutes of weights and yoga combined. I quite like these mixed practices, but I have to say in this one Kristin McGee often went too fast for me - I like to BREATHE! And then on one side we were in a pose for about 12 breaths, on the other side barely 4! It was only one pose which was that unbalanced, still, it puts me off the workout.

I ate:  82g choc brownie, 45g Boasters (choc chip and hazelnut cookies).

I am grateful for:  People to talk to.

Skewy Day

I felt: Tired. My son was up from 3.40am. Still, at least I'd had five hours straight by that point. My whole day got kinda pushed out because of that, as I got up from my nap at 1pm! At least I'd meditated before, but it did mean I worked out pretty late.

I thought: About my ex. I wrote him an email about some writings he'd asked me to read. Made me realise just how paranoid and unhealthy his life is, and how glad I am not to be in that relationship anymore!

I slept: 7 and a half hours in 3 chunks, but one was 5 hours straight, so not too bad.

I worked out:  53 minutes of Cher Fitness: 38mins step, 10mins abs/back, and 5 mins stretch. And yes, she really does workout in that outfit! You should see what she wears in the leg toning section :o

I ate:  84g choc chip cookie, 54g choc fudge brownie frozen yoghurt.

I am grateful for:  My DH. He's not perfect, but he's a lot more sane than the last one: loving, and life affirming.

On a New Track

Tuesday 25th June

I felt: Quite emotional, had a bit of an epiphany, which I wrote about over on Neopagan.

I thought: I need to remember my coping mechanisms, and maybe put some new ones in place. Things like knitting after dinner...

I slept: 8 and a quarter hours in 3 chunks - woke feeling rested for the first time in a while.

I worked out:  52 minutes on the static bike, followed by 15 minutes stretching and abs work.

I ate:  50g fruit and oat biscuits and 50g Minstrels

I am grateful for:  Moments of calm.

Summer Sunday and Manic Monday

23rd June

I felt: Tired, but quite happy. Had a nice day with my family - my MIL came to visit, and our son was sweet and cheerful.

I thought: I should appreciate these good times, yet the health issues continue and put a damper on things.

I slept: 6 and 3 quarter hours, in 5 chunks.

I worked out:  45 minutes of weights - Erin O'Brien's Strong Body, Ageless Body. I like her perkiness, and that it's a low-impact workout.

I ate:  50g brownie, 75g choc biscuits.

I am grateful for:  Being able to exercise.

24th June

I felt: Tired and grouchy when I first got up. Had quite a productive day, getting back into the swing of things. Don't know why, though, I had a really bad day for cravings :(

I thought: What's the point, I'm never going to lose weight given the stresses in my life and the sleep issues. I remembered that they say poor sleep directly correlates with weight gain, and also a study with monkeys on the effects of stress on digestion. I know, bleak and unhelpful thinking :(

I slept: 7 and a quarter hours in five chunks.

I worked out: 52 minutes of Cathe Friedrich's Low Impact Step Challenge - fun :)

I ate: 120g brownie, ?60g doughnut, ?100g choc muffin, lost count of the number of Minstrels, rough guess 100g :((

I am grateful for: Tomorrow being a new day...

Stress and Partying

Friday 21st June

I felt: Pretty stressed. Suddenly realised I'd misread a work deadline, and had to do loads as fast as possible.

I thought:

I slept: 8 hours in 5 chunks.

I worked out:  45 minutes of step with Cathe Friedrich's Low Max.

I ate:  125g chocolate chip biscuits.

I am grateful for:  Computers.

Saturday 22nd June

I felt: Quite happy for a good chunk of the day - partying with old friends from school and uni.

I thought: Drunk people are really very boring.

I slept: 6 and a quarter hours in three chunks.

I worked out:  50 minutes of step with Cathe Friedrich's Low Impact Circuit Cardio Blast.

I ate:  50g choc brownie, 50g choc biscuits, 40g choc, 20g almond biscuit. Total 160g.

I am grateful for:  Friends, and the ability to say no.

Catch-Up

Well, I kept writing for these, even though I couldn't post them while I was away.  So, here's a run down of the last three days:


18-6-13

I felt:  Tired and a bit stressed, plane was delayed, and it was a horribly long journey

I thought:  “I ought to be sociable, but I really can’t be arsed.”  I was meant to meet with a friend, but she didn’t answer my texts.  I could have tried harder to contact her, but I was tired.  I had a nice meal and went to bed early.

I slept: 8 hours in 3 chunks

I did something new:  Not that I can think of.

I worked out: 63 minutes step, weights, cardio - Cathe’s Cardio Supersets.

I ate:  At a guess, 80g chocolate pastry.

I am grateful for:  Not having to drive.

19-6-13

I felt:  Bored, nervous, delighted.  Bored during a couple of the meetings I attended.  Nervous while doing a Grand Tableau for a friend who had never seen Lenormand cards before.  Delighted to see two of my closest friends, who I see far too rarely.  

I thought:  My friend should diversify in her work.  Yet, when we asked the cards, they actually recommended devoting herself more to the thing that she loves most, which to me seems precarious.  I am reminded that intention is vital.

I slept: 6 and a half hours in two chunks

I did something new:  Reading Lenormand cards in Spanish.

I worked out: 45 minutes of cardio/pilates, self-practice.

I ate:  Approximately 180g chocolate cake and lemon sorbet.

I am grateful for:  Friends.

20-6-13

I felt:  Tired, but calm.

I thought:  About my ex and all the reasons I’m glad not to be with him anymore.

I slept:  5 and a half hours in four chunks - very noisy room :(

I did something new:  I stood up for what I believe in to my ex.

I worked out:  40 minutes of yoga self-practice

I ate:  About 180g chocolate cake with mango sorbet

I am grateful for:  Being back with my family.

Going Away

This wasn't my actual brownie, but is taken from here.

As I mentioned over on Neopagan Priestess this morning, I'm going away for a couple of days, so I probably won't blog again til Thursday or Friday.

Today I felt: Tired and a bit stressed - it took me far longer than expected to organise things for my journey, as well as some other work I had to get done.

I thought: About meeting up with a friend tomorrow who is always relentlessly cheerful. Yeah, yeah, I get that every experience we have is a chance to learn and grow, but sometimes I'd like a little time out.

I slept: 6 hours in two chunks

I did something new: Not that I can think of.

I worked out:  50 minutes on the static bike, 16 minutes stretching/abs.

I ate:  125g chocolate brownie. Hmm, there seems to be a pattern here ;)

I am grateful for:  The telephone.

Father's Day

Today I weighed: 66.2 k

BMI: 24.3

I felt: Angry at my DH when he shouted at me for something that was totally not my fault, then guilty as I know he was just upset, and I hadn't done anything up til then to celebrate Father's Day, nor tell him what a great dad he is.

I thought: My weight might have dropped a bit, so I dared the scales. Yay, not much, but 0.6k is 1.3 lbs, and at least it's going in the right direction!

I slept: 8 hours in 3 chunks - excellent!

I did something new: 14 minutes of Hot Hula exercise. I quite like the concept, basically a lot like belly dance. I can see how it'd be good for the abs and the thighs (and arms if you use weights on them). However, the production values were terrible - could barely hear the instructor over the music. Plus, not having special weight belts, I wasn't getting much of a work out. I'd probably try it again, on a day when I've already done some "proper" exercise :D

I worked out:  After the hula I did 42 minutes of Cathe's Low Impact Step Challenge - now that's what I call a workout :)

I ate:  75g biscuits, 25g chocolate.

I am grateful for:  A relaxing weekend before a busy week.

Smoothies

I felt:  Sad in the morning, and angry later on (mainly due to hunger, I think).

I thought: About loads of silly stuff that just upset me. How to fit exercise into a weekend away? Will I ever look nice in clothes again? Tried to shop for clothes, but hated everything I tried (well, all two pairs of trousers).  

I think part of the problem was having my DH there. He loves me with him when he shops, as I hunt out things for him and encourage him. Whereas I hate having him there! I feel guilty about the time I take changing, and he's pickier than I am about what I wear - trousers must be boot cut, shouldn't be tight-fitting, nor low rise. While I agree that would be ideal, sometimes I'd just like to get some clothes that aren't stained, and accept that at this weight very little is going to look fabulous on me anyway.

I slept: 6 3/4 hours in 3 chunks. Tried to take a nap in the afternoon, but it was noisy inside and out (inside me, that is).

I did something new: Tried a smoothie (the one on the left) with almonds, yoghurt, passion fruit, raspberries and apple juice - not as filling as it sounded :(

I worked out:  58 minutes of yoga, just me and my mat.

I ate:  At a guess, 180g chocolate brownie.

I am grateful for:  Massages.

Got That Weekend Feeling

I felt: Pretty relaxed - start of the weekend feeling.

I thought: No bad thoughts, really.

I slept: 7 3/4 hours in 3 chunks - yay! Though I had two very unpleasant dreams :(

I did something new: Went for a walking meditation on the Heath. I've done walking meditations in the past, but only guided ones led by others, so it was new to do it by/for myself.

I worked out:  71 minutes of Shiva Rea's Surf Yoga Soul. Not that I surf, but I do love her flows :)

I ate:  10g choc around 4pm, then a chocolate dessert in a restaurant - guess about 150g, extremely good, though!

I am grateful for: A man who is still keen to make love with me.

Emotional Eating and Stressors

Image from here.

I felt: Fairly calm most of the day.  Enjoyed some crafty pursuits and got quite a lot of work done, as well as chasing up some stuff for my son's health.

I thought: I was worried I might be a bit stressed and comfort eat (see today's reading).  Actually, I didn't do too badly, though after dinner is my weak moment.  I ate more than I would have liked, but not enough that I would count it as a binge.

I slept: 6 hours in 3 chunks

I worked out:  I planned to do a mellow day (yoga/pilates/ballet mix).  But, after reading a comment from Eowyn about a premix on Cathe Friedrich's Low Impact Circuit DVD, I ended up doing 48 minutes  of that :)

I ate:  After dinner, a 60g chocolate brownie.  Different from the night before, but also delish :)  Then, 45g of choc and a 15g biscuit.  Total 120g.  Not great, not dreadful.  I used to figure that if I ate less than 200g of sweets over the day, I would maintain or lose weight.  Not sure if that's still the case now I'm in my forties...

Gah, Photos

Okay, I decided to take the next plunge, and post my before pics :(  Can't get them to post side-by-side. Before taking the pics, I was thinking "I'm fairly happy with my upper arms".  However, in this position you can't tell that they are pretty toned, no flapping underarms.  Like Eowyn, I'm sad to see my VPL showing up my droopy butt.

Busy, Busy

So, day 2, how did it go?

I felt: Busy and quite productive.

I thought: Some stresses with DH, and a few worries about my son, but overall quite positive.

I slept: 6 hours in 5 chunks

I worked out:  44 minutes  of Cathe Friedrich's Low Max - a high intensity, low impact step workout with a kickbox flavour - love it!

I ate:  A 100g chocolate brownie: delish :)

Birthday Resolutions

What I watched while on the bike, and when I started.

Inspired by Eowyn's new Willowy Me blog, I decided perhaps I should try something to make me feel more accountable.  I have a bit of weight I'd like to lose, which feels like it gets harder and harder to shift now I'm in my forties.  So, I'll try to keep a daily log of a few things.  Not everything I eat, as that bores me.  As long as I only have a sweet treat after dinner, kept within reasonable amounts, I feel fairly confident I'll lose some weight.  Also, I'm not going to weigh myself every day, as I don't find that helpful (and I say this from experience, given there was a time in my life where I weighted myself several times a day). I'll just give an update on that as and when.

Today's Weight: 66.8k

BMI: 24.5

I felt: Generally okay.  Busy, not enough me-time, but quite nice social time.

I thought: When I woke up, I thought, "I'm 42 and I'm fat!"  Not a nice feeling.

I slept: 8 hours in 5 chunks.

I worked out: 46 minutes static bike, 9 minutes stretch.

I ate:  approximately 125g of chocolate and biscuits after dinner.